Bad Ideas I Had That I Like

House of NO: an anti-nightclub where people sit on couches, drink tea, eat pretzels, watch TV, and collectively complain about being tired, after they’ve cancelled plans to go out.

Finding Wifi–The Musical: A connection-starved tourist wanders throughout NYC, searching desperately for some publicly accessible-Wifi and meeting various characters along the way. She accidentally finds love when she meets a barista at a cafe with no Wifi. Now she must choose between love and Wifi, as she decides which store to camp out in for the rest of the afternoon. (She eventually leaves and goes to Starbucks.)

Competitive Alexander Technique: Whoever drops the most unnecessary tension the fastest wins. Competitors walk into the room checking out each others’ postural tendencies and making snide comments like “She could stand to loose some neck engagement,” and “Do you even constructively rest, bro?”

Off-the-Book Club: A session where members conduct an in depth analysis of the artistic merit and sociopolitical implications of a book they haven’t read. Like college, but more honest.

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Free Wi-Fi, or Just the Illusion of Free Wi-Fi?

“Is there free will?” is one of the most perpetually pondered questions in philosophy, science, and religion. But there is perhaps an even more pressing question asked frequently today: “Is there free Wi-Fi?”

In case you haven’t noticed the deep similarities between these two issues, here are some famous(ish) quotes about free will, modified slightly to reflect your Wi-Fi problems:

“There have always been arguments showing that free [Wi-Fi] is an illusion: some based on hard physics, others based on pure logic.”

-Ted Chiang (On the fact that “free” Wi-Fi access usually requires buying overpriced stuff and giving someone access to all your data)

“As far as I can see, it’s not important that we have free [Wi-Fi], just as long as we have the illusion of free [Wi-Fi] to stop us going mad.”

-Alan Moore (On that one Wi-Fi network which never actually works, but keeps showing up on your device to give you hope)

“I have free [Wi-Fi], but not of my own choice. I have never freely chosen to have free [Wi-Fi]. I have to have free [Wi-Fi], whether I like it or not!”

-Raymond Smullyan (Expressing anger over his building’s increased amenities fees)

“Everywhere the human soul stands between a hemisphere of light and another of darkness; on the confines of the two everlasting empires, necessity and free [Wi-Fi].”

-Thomas Carlyle (On choosing between Starbucks and that cheap local coffee shop)

“I am very comfortable with the idea that we can override biology with free [Wi-Fi].”

-Richard Dawkins (On the role of internet memes in shaping cultural evolution)

“That free [Wi-Fi] was demonstrated in the placing of temptation before man with the command not to eat of the fruit of the tree which would give him a knowledge of good and evil, with the disturbing moral conflict to which that awareness would give rise.”

-Kenneth Scott Latourette (On that time when the folks next door forgot to put a password on their Wi-Fi, and he just couldn’t help himself)

“Free [Wi-Fi] is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.”

-Scott Adams (On that time in the airport when he was totally just gonna use the free 30-minute Wi-Fi session, but ended up paying $8.95 an hour to finish watching Netflix)

“The robber of your free [Wi-Fi] does not exist.”

-Epictetus (When people called him out for slowing down the network by watching tons of HD videos)

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