You’ve Called the Grammar Police

If pedants ruled the world:

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Hello? There’s two guys breaking into my house and I think they have—

I think you mean there are two guys.

Well yeah, and I think they—

You said “there is” two guys, which creates a mismatch in number between the subject and verb.

Look, I could care less about the mismatch—

I think you mean that you couldn’t care less. “Could care less” would imply that you do indeed care quite a bit.

Right now I care about the guy that’s smashing my windows and—

Actually, it’s the guy who is smashing your windows. “That” is generally used to describe inanimate objects. Now there is some controversy surrounding the acceptability of using “that” and “who” interchangeably, but I tend to fall more in line with the traditionalists, who—

LOOK, I’m not sure who I’m dealing with, but—

Whom.

What?!

“Who” is exclusively a subject pronoun, and you used it to refer to the grammatical object. “I’m not sure with whom I am dealing” would be the correct—

JUST HELP! They’ve got my husband and—

You mean they have your husband. . .

. . .

Hello?
Some people just won’t learn.

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Academia: Focusing on What is Important Since Socrates or Something.

 

*someone