We Need to Reject the Gay Agenda (Until it Switches to my New Organizer App)

Since the release of the news that Disney movies are now kind of gay-ish, I have received many calls to my organization A Trillion and Four Uncles expressing concern over the Gay Agenda.

Indeed, the Gay Agenda might seem like a recent development, particularly for those of us who grew up in a culture where children’s movies were only a place for wholesome stories of teen marriage and beastiality. But in fact, it must have been around for a really long time, because it’s still written in one of those old-school pocketbook paper agendas.

agendaI find this unacceptable as a parent, a citizen, and especially as an app developer: that’s why I urge the Gay Agenda to switch to my new organizer App, Organ-Eyes, a secure and fun way to keep track of all your daily, weekly, and monthly agendas (available for iPhone and Android) . 

What’s next on the Gay Agenda? Erasing the natural boundaries between the sexes? Dismantling the nuclear family as the fundamental unit of society? Eroding our nation’s global power by loosening the masculinity of our young men? Probably something cool like that, but it’s really hard to tell when its written in chicken-scratch handwriting with a leaky pen. Organ-Eyes, however, clears up any ambiguity by allowing you to zoom in on the details each item, clearly color-coded by priority, with customizable fonts and text size.

The Gay Agenda has the potential to bring down the basic structures of gender, family, and sexual conduct that have defined years of Western civilization. But it also has the potential to not do that if it gets lost, stolen, or rained on too much. We can’t take that risk with our future. Organ-Eyes automatically syncs all changes to a secure cloud back-up, keeping it safe for years to come.

The Gay Agenda has been proliferating faster in recent years, with sexual and gender deviants increasingly making their way into mainstream television, movies, government offices, history textbooks, and probably your apartment building. But it hasn’t been proliferating that fast. It could be proliferating much faster if it made use of the Organ-Eyes social features, which allow users to simultaneously publicize new events on all social media platforms and send automatic invites to subscribers.

The Gay Agenda stands to tear apart and rearrange the fundamental moral fabric of America. But as fun as patchwork quilting is, it’s also inefficient, aesthetically messy, and technologically outdated, just like pocketbook agendas. For these reasons, we must stand against the Gay Agenda it until it digitizes. With Organ-Eyes.

To take a stand, please sign the petition on A Trillion and Four Uncles’ Facebook page.

———

Disclosure: This post is only vaguely affiliated with the Gay Mafia™.

Advertisements

My Laptop and Other Undead Things

A week ago, my laptop decided to stop functioning, conveniently timed before a bunch of paper deadlines. The good news is: after a few trips to the Apple store, a few nights of locking myself in a computer lab, a few other nights of not doing work because I hate working alone in a computer lab, borrowing my friends’ computers to suck out my data, a bit of beginner amateur engineering on my part, and a few emotional breakdowns, the laptop lives! (And so does all my data!)

Turns out it was just faulty software and I just had to erase and reinstall everything. Apparently this is a common thing. I think I’m too relieved to be angry about it–the woman sitting next to me at the Apple store had a similar problem and ended up having to buy a new computer and pay $300 for data recovery. It really could have been worse.

On the subject of things returning from the dead, I came across this gem of a review quote in my research for a paper about the history of Frankenstein. From the Harvard Advocate, 1869:

“The principle moral to be derived by Harvard boys from this book is that dangerous proficiency in chemistry should be carefully avoided.”

I’m assuming that Harvard kids are still employing this lesson today.