Things I Would Have Written in My One-Sentence Journal if I Was Still Keeping Up With That

Knee-deep one-liners from my life:

  • Most of being an adult is just sitting on different types of transportation.
  • You can’t have shade without light.
  • I like my guys like I like my fries: on occasion.
  • I deal with feelings like I deal with laundry: probably later, when there’s not so much going on.
  • Reclaiming is when you go through the garbage that’s been hurled at you and notice that some of it is actually recyclable.
  • If you don’t understand high art, sober art might be more your thing.
  • This is probably difficult for you to hear, but more difficult for me to not say.

Inspirational Posters, Revised Slightly

I swear, I’m not a completely cynical, heartless person–I just want to make you laugh and then feel sort of bad about it.

only one you

Never more than we can handle, right?

you can do it 2

So really anybody can!

shots bball

Lets face it. Basketball just isn’t your thing.


And the day before. And the day before that.

comfort zone

Find out at your own risk.

it gets better poster

I want LGBTQ youth to know that they don’t need feel hopeless about the future when they could feel anxiously ambivalent as I do.

Never give up

Cynicism aside, the folks at the bottom could really use your donation more.

Gym Dialogues

Girl: *loading weights*
Guy: You know, men are turned off by muscles.
Girl: Oh, don’t worry about that! Your muscles really aren’t that big at all!
Guy: I meant—
Girl: Maybe it’s something about your personality that’s turning them off…
Guy: Never mind I—
Girl: But don’t give up! I’m sure there’s somebody out there for everyone—even you!

Annotating With Sass

An out-of-context collection of some of the snarkier things I wrote in various textbooks and readings for class:

  • Freud projects his mommy issues onto all of humanity.
  • Well that was a fun story before it got racist.
  • Britain only wants you for your oil.
  • So many ways to screw up a baby . . . How does anyone manage to end up a healthy, normal adult?
  • Then again, I’m not sure I know any healthy, normal adults.
  • Did Russia stop existing during this century, or did you just forget to write about it?
  • Nothing says “great ruler” like mass beheadings.
  • Did women stop existing during this century, or did you just forget to write about them?
  • Who would sign their baby up to be classically conditioned, anyway?
  • OMG tutus and moving torsos . . . so scandalous! How will we explain that to the children?
  • Woah, naked ankles. Sexy stuff.
    • (Note: looks like tight pants are not responsible for women being inappropriately sexualized.)
  • Stop trying to make history fit your narrative. It’s not going to happen.
  • Spoiler: she wakes up and it was all a social construction.