Are you a chronically invisible bisexual struggling to have your sexuality acknowledged by mere mortals? In honor of Bisexual Visibility Day, here are some never-before-used bi visibility tips to try:
Disclaimer: these strategies have not been tested on humans, animals, plants, fungi, or unicorns, and I take no responsibility for any consequences
- During any attendance call, stand up and shout “I’m queer and I’m here!”
- Preface every statement you make with “In my bisexual opinion . . . “
- As you lean in to kiss someone of the same gender boo, say “no homo.”
- As you lean in to kiss someone of a different gender boo, say “no hetero.”
- Generally interject “no hetero” into conversations at random intervals.
- Stop the drive-through at McDonalds to critique the employees’ use of the phrase “choose a side.”
- If you hear someone throwing around the phrase “That’s so gay,” call them out by saying “Actually, it might be so bisexual. Don’t assume.”
- Talk to the guy on the corner with the “Gays are Destroying America” sign and ask that he also acknowledge the role of bisexuals in destroying America.
- When someone tells you “good-bi” smile and say “I know I am.”
It’s entirely possible that after using these strategies, you’ll still be received with the same old “But you’re not like actually bi, right?” At this point, it might be time to give up and accept your invisibility. On the plus side, invisibility is a great addition to your LinkedIn “skills” section when applying to corporate spying jobs (I’m guessing that’s what “analyst” actually means, right?).
Note: This is a joke, I think, but bi visibility isn’t, so I recommend checking out this for real information and suggestions on for fighting erasure.