The True Holiday for Singles

As a single person, Valentine’s day can feel a little rough. So its understandable that people have tried to turn February 14 into something more inclusive, whether it’s Galentines Day, Pal-entines Day, Singles Awareness Day, or something about self-love. But these people have got it wrong.

Specifically, they have got it one day wrong.

Because Valentine’s Day itself isn’t just about romantic love (or Catholic martyrs or baby Roman gods with weapons). It’s also about consumerism. The Valentine-Industrial Complex is built on many factors, including cards, flowers, jewelry, hair-removal products, and Jamie Dornan, but mostly chocolate.

Which is where our true holiday comes into play. If you sketch out some supply and demand curves or walk into any drugstore, you will find some radically cheap chocolate prices on February 15.

And you can buy yourself the type you actually like–instead of struggling to swallow one of those fifty shades of mystery filling in front of a well-intentioned significant other who was clearly looking more at the pretty packaging than the contents when they picked the box.

Happy Cheap Chocolate Day, everyone!

On an unrelated note, this is what I actually did on Valentine’s Day:

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